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Lousy Limericks/Transcript

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(A green background that reads "Liam the Leprechaun in...Lousy Limericks" appears. Irish music begins to play. The background disappears and Liam the Leprechaun, with a book in his hand, appears on a stage in a nightclub)

Liam: Uh...Hi. My name is Liam. Liam the Leprechaun.

(Leprechaun Boss and Clover are sitting at a table)

Leprechaun Boss: We don't care!

Clover: Tell us some jokes, ye weirdo!

Liam: I'll tell ye what. I'll tell ye one better than to read simpler jokes. I'm here to read me limericks!

Clover: He can read?

Leprechaun Boss: This is the same leprechaun who can't even keep track of his own pot o' gold.

Liam: How 'bout you two pipe down or I'll... (He clenches his fist and shakes it at Leprechaun Boss and Clover)

Leprechaun Boss: Get off the stage.

Liam: Look! Just give me a chance! That's all I ask! (He clears his throat and opens his book) "There once was a man who was old, who stole me pot o' gold." (An image of a pot of gold appears) "So I kicked him so hard, he flew across his front yard, and then there was a cold...wind!"

Clover: I got some wind for ye. Me clover farts! (He farts glitter and snickers)

Leprechaun Boss: I've heard better limericks from common household fruits!

(The scene cuts to Grapefruit on a kitchen counter)

Grapefruit: Hey. I got a limerick for you. "There was once a guy on stage, and..." Uh... "He stunk really bad." (Laughs) Yeah. Thank you. Yes. Thank you. I know. I am great.

(The scene cuts back to the nightclub with Liam onstage)

Liam: Wait a second! Wait a second! Calm down! I've got another one! Here we go! "I once met a lass named Rose, who was a vision of light when she posed. But then, one day, to my dismay, I caught her picking her nose!"

Clover: That's not even clever.

Leprechaun Boss: That's just gross, man.

Liam: Oh, come on! That was a good one! A pretty lady picking her nose? That's hilarious!

Leprechaun Boss: It's not nearly as funny as the time you came into my office askin' me for a promotion.

(The scene cuts to a flashback. Liam is in his boss's office)

Liam: Sir, I know I'm young, but I've been working real hard and I think I deserve a promotion!

Leprechaun Boss: You know what? You're right.

Liam: I am?

Leprechaun Boss: You want it? You got it! (He transforms Liam into a black unicorn with his face on the bottom) You've been upgraded from an incompetent leprechaun to a horse's arse!

Liam: This isn't a horse! This is an evil unicorn! I think he stole me gold once.

(The scene cuts back to Liam on the stage)

Liam: All right! I've got one more! Now this limerick is garunteed to kick ye right in the funny bone. It's about someone we all know. "I once met an orangey fruit..." (An image of the Annoying Orange appears in his hand) "Who had taken me loot with juice. I was starked really mad, I infested the lad with me marvelous magic." Woot Woot! (Laughs)

Leprechaun Boss: Wait. Wait. Wait. Wasn't that the same Annoying Orange who squashed you with your own pot o' gold? (He laughs and turns to Clover) Give me some clover.

(Clover gives him a high-five)

Liam: That's not what happened!

Clover: I heard you also stole his whistling pinwheel.

Liam: That wasn't me! That was Pear! (Growls) Aw, crap! (He disappears off the stage)

Leprechaun Boss: (Applauding) Bravo! Best part of the show with him disappearing like that. Hey, listen. Lucky Charms is having a party after this. You game?

Clover: Let's do this!

Leprechaun Boss: That's right. Give me some clover.

(Clover high-fives him again)

(The green background appears with Liam asking, "What is your favorite limerick or joke?" Irish music plays)

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